Her heart, fractured and fragmented, spilled like puzzle pieces strewn about, shattered like glass slipped from careless hands. Tiny slivers shot across the floor, hid in corners and underneath couches. A ragged heart shattered by loving in a fallen world.
Lonely and comfortless, knowing no peace, only pain and self pity, sorrow and guilt.
Some spaces remained soft, others calloused. Many hard like the rocks beneath the cold rivers of the Reservation. Like stepping stones, the pain of great loss could be traced from one tragedy to the next.
A word from her mother, disappointment from her siblings or father. Memories of boyfriends stomping madly on her maiden heart, the shredding of divorce, disapproval of her second go, the drama of blending, becoming one and arguments over nothing, children coming and going, some never finding their way into her arms at all. So much loss.
Her anger and disappointment with herself, her choices, fears, regrets. The pieces of her heart squashed or crooked, some still clinging to hope, for a future, a chance to be something in a world gone sideways.
Then a light, distant yet intimate, closed in around her. Brighter and closer, the light warmed her very marrow. Transfixed, she watched it gather her wayward fractions from behind sofas and darkened crannies. Radiant light shone through them, like stained glass.
She beheld the mosaic of her heart reconnecting in magnificent splendor. Rainbows shot across the room spilling glory everywhere. Her battle worn heart reborn. Resurrected. WHOLE. The cracked and broken places invited more light to dance, their shadows now translucent. Nothing remained of loss except the revelation that God doesn’t waste pain.
Her whole heart beat an extraordinary tune. A song of peace, like a pan flute on a mountain morning, a faraway song, that echoed everywhere. Though she was still aware of the sorrows, they didn’t hurt anymore. Their complaining now hushed by a joy that would not be quieted, would not allow them room.
She saw the Master’s hand. He’d created a thing of beauty out of her mess to help others see Him through theirs.
“Yes. Lord. I will do whatever you ask of me. I will follow where you lead. I trust You and Your ways that are not my own. I trust Your timing and Your goodness.”
Her heart, now a vessel of life and strength, filled and reborn with the power of the Holy Spirit, glazed in grace, sought her adventure as she followed her King.