IMPERFECT DREAMER

“Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27b

It took me years to start my blog. I wanted to write. I had things to say. I felt led to do it. I had a computer. I had time. I knew I was smart enough. Yet, it took me years to commit to starting one. Why?

I asked God that question this morning because I am wrestling procrastination again. Opening an Etsy store has been my dream for years. (Etsy is an online “place to buy and sell all things handmade.” )What is stopping me? I’ve learned from blogging that jumping into the maze reveals the way, so why do I keep NOT opening shop? What am I afraid of?

Four months into my blogging life, and I am still learning to navigate the technical side. I’m sure it will be the same with my store. So what’s my problem? Why am I being such a baby? I know I can do it. I know my art is good enough. Chances are good someone will buy my work eventually. It will be amazing to earn money doing what I love. Etsy offers gobs of help for newbies.  So what is wrong with me, God?

Then it hit me. It’s the same thing with Jesus. People procrastinate accepting Him because they think they have to get their lives together before they are worthy of Him. If they are still smoking weed or drinking or living with their boyfriend, they think they have to get all that stuff taken care of first. Then they’ll follow Him.

But that’s backwards. He is the one who makes us worthy. It’s not about us at all. It’s about HIM. He is worthy. Not us. We are big messy screwballs who need Him to untangle our dreadlock lives. And only He can do it. And He wants to!

No matter how many tangles. No matter how many addictions or years lay between us and anything good about us. Sometimes we can’t even remember anything good about our lives. And that’s okay. He already knows that. He is willing and able to fix it all. But we have to step off the cliff of unbelief.

He probably enjoys the messiest ones best. Of course He loves us all, so let’s not get jealous, but think about it. Those totally wrecked lives must bring a special joy when they get all cleaned up and shiny to reflect Him. Oh yes, I think we can give them that, the ones who have suffered the most in this world. Let them revel in His love. We all should.

So I don’t need to read Blogging For Dummies again, or watch another Youtube tutorial. I need to cliff dive into my imperfect dream. I will bumble and grow as I pursue it. The junk will fall away. The ignorance, fear, and cluelessness will transform into wisdom, experience and victory. Just like when I grabbed onto Jesus and He cleaned up my potty-mouth and took away my taste for self-destruction. (Except sugar. I’m still working on that. )

Fear is a thief and I’m not going to let it steal from me anymore. How about you?